“The Gardener” by The Tallest Man On Earth

Just a cool song with a good melody and extremely clever lyrics.  Enjoy.

 

I sense a runner in the garden
Although my judgements known to fail
Once built a steamboat in a meadow
Cos I’d forgotten how to sail

I know the runner’s going to tell you
There ain’t no cowboy in my hair
So now he’s buried by the daisies
So I could stay the tallest man in your eyes, babe

I sense a spy up in the chimney
From all the evidence I’ve burned
I guess he’ll read it in the smoke now
And soon to ashes I’ll return

I know the spy is going to tell you
It’s not my flag up in the pole
So now he’s buried by the lilies
So I could stay forever more in your eyes, babe

I sense a leak inside my phone now
From all the lies I have told
I know he has your private number
And soon he’ll make that vicious call

I know the leak is going to tell you
There ain’t no puppy in your leash
So now he’ll fertilize the roses
So I could stay the king you see
In your eyes, babe

So now we’re dancing through the garden
And what a garden I have made
And now that death will grow my jasmine
I find it soothing I’m afraid

Now there is no need for suspicion
There ain’t no frog kissing your hand
I won’t be lying when I tell you
That I’m a gardener I’m a man
In your eyes babe

– MCG

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Do not fuck with Henry Rollins.

You know those guys you can just tell you shouldn’t fuck with?  The ones who might not be the biggest guy in the room, but have that look on their face that if you so much as furrow your brow in their direction or accidentally bump into them on the way to the restroom they will unleash a fury comparable to that of an atomic bomb.  The ones that have eyes that say, “If you say something even remotely sideways to me, I will stab you in the face 47 times with a machete.”  The ones who have so much anger and hate inside of them that they could easily put someone three times their size in a coma.  Anyway, I am not sure Henry Rollins is that guy anymore, but I will venture to say that at one point he was the most un-fuck-with-able person in the world.

Henry Rollins eats fire for breakfast and washes it down with a tall glass of sulfuric acid.  If Henry Rollins slept, he would sleep with his eyes open and his middle finger in the air.  Henry Rollins builds 30-foot brick walls by hand and then runs through them.  The final test in the BUD/S training for the U.S. Navy Seals is to arm wrestle Henry Rollins, and since they obviously never win, the only way they can pass is if they leave the match with their arm still attached.  Henry Rollins is the defender of the weak and the destroyer of worlds unknown to the common man.  The day Henry Rollins was born, God, Allah, Buddha, and Zeus gathered at the local bar and were seen at the corner table hopelessly shaking their heads and drowning their sorrows in straight whiskey because they all knew they were now second in command.  Henry Rollins does not walk on water; he sprints on water until it evaporates.  Henry Rollins jump-starts automobiles with his ball sack.  Henry Rollins has written every “_____ for dummies” how-to book.  He’ll tear your mind out, he’ll burn your soul.  Henry Rollins forges steel with his bare hands, and then uses it as a blanket.  Henry Rollins steps on throats and kicks down doors.  Henry Rollins eats people alive and whole, and that is only if you’ve only pissed him off slightly.  Henry Rollins peels oranges with his toes, and makes freshly squeezed orange juice with his mind.  The Mayans told Henry Rollins that Nickelback is the best band in the world, and that’s why their calendar ended.  One time Henry Rollins beat a grizzly bear in a 40-yard dash, then choked it out with one arm.  Henry Rollins waterboards himself because he thinks it tickles, but if you actually tickle him he will rip your leg off and beat you with it until you are unconscious.

But seriously, every year on Henry Rollins’ birthday, he sends Chuck Norris a card that reads, “You are a pussy”.  On top of that, Chuck has all the cards on his mantle because he is afraid of what Henry Rollins will do if he throws them away.

But seriously seriously, I try not to assume anything in life, so I don’t want to assume that you know who Henry Rollins is.  The man is a genius.  All of his music with Black Flag and Rollins Band, his books, his spoken word, his comedy, his radio shows; he really is one of the stand out people of the 20th and 21st centuries who tells it like it is and breathes fresh air into a bland and stale entertainment industry.  Check him out, or he’ll find you, and now you know what he’s capable of.

– MCG